Taking the first steps in planning for a family
I should preface this piece by indicating that I am very, very early in my family planning process and I am not “actively” trying to conceive. Rather, I am a point in my life that I would, ideally, like to have a child within the next few years. But it’s a journey that I have increased my own awareness to and one that I personally consider to have commenced.
What does that mean to me? There are several components to this journey. First, a bit of background about my personal life. I am a married woman, and am 100% committed to the idea of having at least two children. I’ve always loved the idea of having a family, and would love nothing more than to be a mother. I am currently 28 years old, turning 29 in July. The awareness of turning 30 is very much in my head and something I constantly think about. Am I waiting too long to conceive? Could I run into problems? Luckily, I can look around me and I know of many others who are my age or older who are still waiting to start a family. Only one close friend of mine has a child, and only a few of my cousins (most of them older than me) have started a family. But…who cares? I shouldn’t compare myself to others, I know. But, it’s comforting. There is no need to rush and there is no reason to jump into starting a family until myself, and my partner, are fully ready.
In fact, I know that my husband is not ready. He would much rather spend his free time playing video games than doing an extra chore around the house, and he naps more frequently than I ever could. But he’ll be ready when the time comes, and we’ve had many of conversations about starting a family. Although I am not actively trying to conceive at this time, we would be thrilled whenever the time is to be blessed with a child. But ideally, for his sake more than my own, it would be in a year or two.
Another component to our lives is finances. They say you will never be ready to have a child, financially. Which is very true, and should not be the only factor in deciding when to start a family. We have the means to have a child, we would just have to do some budgeting and prioritize our spending habits. We had hoped to do more traveling before we start a family, but of course, the pandemic has made that impossible. Our finances took a hit due to the pandemic as well, causing my husband to find a new career path as restaurants shut down for a large portion of the year and are unlikely to bounce back any time soon. We live in a two-bedroom apartment with limited space and storage and also hoped 2020 would be the year that we purchase a house, but the market is insane. Our savings are not as much as we hoped (due to the pandemic) and we are likely waiting another year to purchase a home. Or, we could also move into a larger apartment in the mean time. Housing is definitely another component to consider when planning for a family.
These are all things you can try to plan for, or factor in to your future plans. But at the end of the day, you can’t actually plan out your future, especially when it comes to conceiving. I’ve seen many of posts on social media where families try for years to have a child with no success, going through IVF and other treatments. Knowing that those situations can happen are definitely concerning. But I shouldn’t fear the unknown. For all I know, I could get pregnant much quicker than I am planning on, and we would celebrate.
My own fertility journey is in its very early stages. About a month ago, my prescription for birth control ran out. The pharmacy would no longer fill it without a doctor’s appointment. I’ve been on and off birth control for years, I was on it beginning in high school when the doctors hoped it would control my migraines (thought to be hormonal, which I think was effective). So going off of birth control was not a huge deal to me, but still a necessary step. I’ve received advice from other moms who told me to stop using birth control for a full year before trying to conceive. I’ve also been told to start taking prenatals and folic acid, as well as some other herbal supplements that are helpful when trying to conceive. I have added folic acid to my regular vitamin supplements (which I still forget to take a few times a week) but that’s enough for now.
The biggest change I’m going to try is an app called Natural Cycles that is basically a phone app that tracks your cycle, in addition to tracking your temperature to get a better sense of your cycle and ovulation. I finally received the thermometer in the mail after a brief delay thanks to the irregular weather in the U.S., so I have not been able to take full advantage of the app so far. There are other apps I’ve used that are free to track your cycle, but I wanted to take it a step further. The app is great to use right now for preventing a pregnancy (since I’m not quite ready), but will be able to use my information to track my ovulation so that I can eventually switch it to a mode that tells me the best days to conceive. I think the concept is simple, and similar to the old-fashioned rhythm method. But I’m hopeful that the app will be worth the small cost associated with it and that I can successfully use it to start tracking my cycle. I’m glad that I found this app now, since it takes time for the app to accurately give predictions about your cycle.
I want nothing more to start my family, but I know that it will be a huge change once I finally do get pregnant and have a child. It will mean less money to spend on ourselves, less sleep, less time for ourselves…but it will also mean more love, more memories, and more members of our own little family!
I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment. What if I am unable to conceive or I have complications? It’s definitely always in the back of my mind. But I am hopeful and I dream of a future family — one day.
This is the start of an important journey, one that is very important to me. I am sharing it so that others on the same journey can read it and know that there are others on this journey with them. Share your own journey in the comments!
